“Likewise, exhort the young men to be sober-minded, in all things showing yourself to be a pattern of good works; in doctrine showing integrity, reverence, incorruptibility, sound speech that cannot be condemned, that one who is an opponent may be ashamed, having nothing evil to say of you.” Titus 2:6-8 NKJV
Over the years, our Lord God Heavenly Father has forged my life through a host of means including my own dad, Lori’s father, and other men whose writings and ministries have made all the difference in the world. It has now been twenty-five ago that my wife and I first met in West Hall lobby on the campus of Trinity Christian College on Chicago’s south side and several months later began going together as couple. Our unconventional approach to dating was out-of-step with the cultural mind-set as we endeavored to be more intentional than otherwise in moving toward marriage through a form of courtship. For example, I never called her my “girlfriend” but my “beloved sister in the Lord.” It sounds rather humorous to look back on that now, but we really did try to “kiss dating goodbye” and consecrate our romantic relationship unto the Lord as something very special on par with walking on holy ground before God. Twenty-five years later, we are grateful to God for all that He has done in and through our lives by first bringing us together as friends with a heart for ministry, then husband and wife at the ripe age of 21, and now as the parents of six children who have been born all over the country. Glory to His Name!
Every one of us should avail ourselves of the nostalgic walk down memory lane by checking out old pictures and reminiscing of days gone by. Looking back, our hearts should be humbled and filled with gratitude for the merciful lovingkindness and great faithfulness of an awesome God who is working from and for eternity in our lives by His mighty hand and outstretched arm. Such is the case for myself as I consider (and tremble) how different my life could have been but for the strategic impact of certain ones that God providentially used to intervene at key points in ways that I did not understand at the time. Having said that, many bone-head blunders could have been averted had I been blessed with the luxury of mentoring relationships that were more intentional than otherwise at investing into the life of a young man as to what it means to be a man, husband, and father for the glory of Him who is the “Big Deal” not me, myself, and I.
Whereas my life testimony was not a total trainwreck, as it were, how I do wish that I had known quite a few things that I know now, by the grace of God, twenty-five years later. Although there are many things in life that can only be learned through first-hand experience in the proverbial school of hard knocks, God has a plan that can minimize a whole lot of heartache and save a colossal amount of time and money. God’s design is for the older generation to proactively mentor the younger generation (pending a teachable spirit) by shaping character, investing wisdom, and imparting virtue learned through decades of walking with God and proven life experience. Ideally, this formative process is to transpire on the grassroots level right at home through intentional family discipleship that is counter-culturally radical.
One of the many reasons that I am such a strong advocate for recommending, promoting, and encouraging God’s people, especially men, to read good books is because of the reality that my own life has been shaped by many authors, from different theological backgrounds across the diverse spectrum of Evangelicalism, whom I have never met personally but have benefited from their ministries. As the father of four sons and two daughters, Steve Farrar’s, “King Me: What Every Son Wants and Needs From His Father”, is a stellar book that I have read twice as my kids have been growing up. Here’s a poignant excerpt that speaks to the dead serious urgency of deliberately investing into the next generation:
“Fathers are too busy. Fathers are supposed to be busy. But it’s easy to get so busy making money that we are losing connection with our sons. You might be thinking, But I have daughters. Well, I have a daughter too, and I love her with all of my heart. But this isn’t a book about daughters. It’s a book about sons. Who is your daughter going to marry? Can I tell you what I hear from my twenty-five-year old daughter and her Christian friends on a regular basis? They tell me that the Christian guys as a whole aren’t much different from the non-Christian guys. Now here and there you will find outstanding exceptions to that. But as a whole, these young Christian guys have not been mentored. And many of them at twenty-five are so ill-equipped and unprepared for life that they are scared to death to make a commitment.”[1]
Despite having written those words twenty years ago, they are no less relevant today but, in fact, they are increasingly so as the existential coming-of-age crisis of manhood is worse than ever before. The secularization of culture, feminization of the church, and the abdication of the family has accelerated this reality. Every church and family must wake up and do something before even more people are hurt really bad thus hindering the advancement of the cause of Christ. God in His sovereignty ordains the ends and the means and it is our stewardship responsibility to “man up” for such a time as this. Farrar continues:
“These young men should be eating commitment for breakfast. They should be chomping at the bit to assume responsibility for a wife and children and to build a godly heritage. But half of these guys are still playing video games. They don’t have a clue what it means to be a godly man because their fathers didn’t do the job. They may have given them cars and seven irons and trips to Europe, but they didn’t give them what counts. Are your boys still under your roof? The understand this. They don’t need more things. They need you. They need for you to give them Deuteronomy 6.”[2]
It was in this vein that some time ago, another great author, Voddie Baucham wrote a couple books called, “What He Must Be If He Wants to Marry My Daughter” and “Family Driven Faith: Doing What It Takes to Raise Sons and Daughters Who Walk with God.” Another way to think of it is this way: What would you tell yourself if you could write a letter, to be transported back in time, that begins with “Dear Younger Me…”? Even better than time travel is the all-glorious reality of deliberately passing on the comprehensive nature of the biblical Christian worldview as church and family are co-champions of the next generation. This really is our stewardship responsibility before God to the praise of His glory in Christ Jesus (Psalm 145:3-4; 2 Corinthians 5:9-11; Titus 2:6-8).
Consider this “Dear Younger Me…” letter my top ten list of “What I Know Now That I Wish I Knew 25 Years Ago”:
“Dear Younger Me…”
1. You Must Be a Man Whose Heart Knows Who God is – (Exodus 33:18-23; Psalm 96:1-9; 145:1-3; Proverbs 1:7; 9:10; Isaiah 6:1-8; 40:1-31; John 1:1-18; Romans 11:33-36; Philippians 2:5-11; Colossians 1:16-21)
“Dear Younger Me…”
2. You Must Be a Man Whose Soul is Saved & Building Spiritual Muscle – (Acts 16:30-31; Romans 1:18-25; 3:9-18; 3:24-26; 10:9-10; 15:15-21; Ephesians 2:8-10; Philippians 2:12-13; Colossians 1:9-12)
“Dear Younger Me…”
3. You Must Be a Man Whose Heart is Zealous for Christ & God’s Word – (Psalm 19:7-11; Jeremiah 20:9; 23:29; Luke 24:25-35; Acts 20:24; 1 Corinthians 9:16; 2 Timothy 2:15; 3:16-4:2; Hebrews 4:12)
“Dear Younger Me…”
4. You Must Be a Man Whose Life is Characterized By Manliness & Leadership – (Genesis 1:26-28; 2:15-28, 24; 1 Samuel 17:29-51; 1 Kings 18:17-40; 2 Chronicles 32:7-8; 1 Corinthians 11:14; 13:11; 16:13-14)
“Dear Younger Me…”
5. You Must Be an Honorable Gentleman of Nobility & Virtue – (Ruth 2:1-16; Proverbs 4:23-27; Matthew 11:28-30; John 15:13; Romans 12:9-21; Ephesians 5:1-7; Colossians 3:5-14; 1 Timothy 4:12; 5:8; 1 Peter 3:7-9)
“Dear Younger Me…”
6. You Must Be a Man with a Forward-Leaning Mind & Intelligent Understanding of the Times – (1 Chronicles 12:32; Nehemiah 8:4-8; Esther 4:14; Acts 16:16-34; Romans 13:11; Ephesians 5:15-17; 1 Timothy 4:13…
“Dear Younger Me…”
7. You Must Be a Man with a Consecrated Heart – (1 Samuel 15:22-23; Psalm 51:15-17; Isaiah 57:15; John 3:30; Romans 12:1-2; 1 Corinthians 6:19-20; 2 Corinthians 5:14-17; Philippians 1:20-21; 2:3-5; 1 Thessalonians 4:1-8)
“Dear Younger Me…”
8. You Must Be a Man Whose Heart is Anchored in Truth for a Life on Mission – (Job 38:1-7; Psalm 145:3-4; John 6:66-69; Romans 8:18-39; 1 Corinthians 6:9-11; Ephesians 1:3-14; 2:4-6; 5:8; Titus 2:11-14)
“Dear Younger Me…”
9. You Must Be a Man Whose Heart is Devoted to Fighting for His Family – (Deuteronomy 6:4-9; Nehemiah 4:14; Acts 20:20-32; Romans 13:11-14; Ephesians 6:10-20; Colossians 2:6-10; 1 Thessalonians 2:4-12).
“Dear Younger Me…”
10. You Must Be a Man Who Understands the Multi-Generational Impact of His Life – (Genesis 18:19; Exodus 30:11-20; Deuteronomy 32:47; Joshua 4:19-24; Judges 2:7-14; Psalm 78:1-8; 2 Timothy 2:1-3; 4:6-8; Titus 2:1-8)
To be continued…
*Recommended Resources:
Manhood & Marriage
- “The Resolution for Men” by Stephen & Alex Kendrick
- “Missing From Action: Vanishing Manhood in America” by Weldon M. Hardenbrook
- “God’s Gift to Women: Discovering the Lost Greatness of Masculinity” by Eric Ludy
- “It Takes a Gentleman and a Lady: The Old-Fashioned Etiquette of Falling in Love” by Eric Ludy
- “Disciplines of a Godly Man” by R. Kent Hughes
- “Lies Men Believe and the Truth That Sets Them Free” by Robert Wolgemuth
- “Stepping Up: A Call to Courageous Manhood” by Dennis Rainey
- “Tender Warrior: Every Man’s Purpose, Every Woman’s Dream, Every Child’s Hope” by Stu Weber
- “Manhood: The Masculine Virtues America Needs” by Josh Hawley
- “The Warrior Poet Way: A Guide to Living Free and Dying Well” by John Lovell
- “Get Married: Why Americans Must Defy the Elites, Forge Strong Families, and Save Civilization” by Brad Wilcox
Fatherhood & Parenting
- “Point Man: How a Man Can Lead His Family” by Steve Farrar
- “What He Must Be…if He Wants to Marry My Daughter” by Voddie Baucham
- “Family Driven Faith: Doing What It Takes to Raise Sons and Daughters Who Walk with God.” by Voddie Baucham
- “Will They Stand: Parenting Kids to Face the Giants” by Ken Ham
- “The Vanishing American Adult: Our Coming-of-Age Crisis – and How to Rebuild a Culture of Self-Reliance” by Ben Sasse
Leadership & Culture
- “The Conviction to Lead: 25 Principles for Leadership That Matters” by Albert Mohler
- “Live Not By Lies: A Manual for Christian Dissidents” by Rod Dreher
- “We Will Not Be Silenced: Responding Courageously to Our Culture’s Assault on Christianity” by Erwin W. Lutzer
*GFM recommends resources that have proved helpful, but we do not endorse everything a said author teaches.
[1] Farrar, S. (2005) King Me. Chicago, IL: Moody Publishers.
[2] IBID
